"Hi there, Sam Smally. Great to meet you! If you ever need a good used car, I'm the best around...here's my card, and there's 50 bucks in in for ya for anyone you send my way. Gotta run, see you around!" This is the greeting I received after being introduced to this person. The car salesman was an acquaintance of my neighbor, whom I ran into at the store, who had just run into the car guy.
"Sorry about that. He's just full of himself." Was my neighbor's response. Well, you can be sure that I will not call Sam when it's time to replace my battered mode of transport. I know, or have met quite a few people like that throughout my life, as I am sure most of us have. These people has no problem with self-esteem, they almost ooze it. You can tell by the car they drive, the clothes they wear, the way they speak at others rather than to them.
People that are bubbly and friendly don't necessarily have high self-esteem, they are usually just very nice, friendly people. It's all in the attitude. I must back up a bit, and explain some of the stereotypical characteristics I mentioned. Those with unusually high opinions of themselves don't always show it in their appearance or belongings or where they live. There are many with high self-esteem issues that don't drive fancy cars or dress in expensive clothes. On the other hand, there are quite a few people that I know that are very successful and have lived privileged lives either by inheritance, or thorough hard work. They are normal, friendly, caring people who would help out anyone in need. For instance, there are two gentlemen that go to my church that have made millions of dollars, yet they still help serve Thanksgiving dinners to the needy of5B4 our neighborhood, or help with clean-up after our annual spaghetti supper. Again, it's all in the attitude and how you treat others. You would never know that they were both multi-millionaires unless someone told you, and they would never tell you themselves.
There are many layman's theories of why some people have unusually high-esteem. In rare cases, it is being brought up in a household where everyone praised everything you did. Now that you are an adult, you act this way because you know that you are the best at everything. Sure, this does happen, but most people eventually are brought down to reality by the friendship and caring relationships of others. Sometimes actually listening to what is being said in church is enough for young people to get over it...really understanding Christ and his gospel.
There are individuals who were brought up dirt poor from broken families. They may have been abused, abandoned or ignored. They may have experienced violence, drugs, murder and other unthinkable acts in the regular course of their lives. Over time, these people sometimes need to make up a super-persona in order to escape the horrors of their childhood. I've met people like that, and they are severely injured poor souls. The only way for them to deal with reality is to think and act as though they are better than everyone else, and they eventually start to believe it.
Others feel they have shortcomings in their life. T5B4hey may be too short, too tall, too skinny, too overweight, not pretty or handsome enough. These people hide their faults with their invented personality. Thinking they are better than everyone else gives them a sense of worth, acceptance and value in society.
Throughout history there have been many conquerors and dictators who thought that they were living gods on earth, or close to it. Napoleon, Stalin, and Hitler are just a few examples of people who had such high-esteem, that they felt that they had the answer the a better world. That they alone could be the master of all they surveyed, and they alone knew what was best for their people. These people also started life in atmospheres that were less than ideal. Some were victims of oppression, violence, poverty, mental illness or abuse. These terrible conditions are certainly no reason to turn into a monster, the rest of the population didn't, but something just didn't work right in their brains and souls. Possibly at some point, these conditions weekend their spirits in such a way that allowed evil to take over.
We all hope that we are able to keep such people at bay in the future, of course, but what do we do about right now? Maybe it is us with the problem, a family member or a close friend? There is no easy answer. Usually the only way that unusually high self-esteem can be broken down into normality is an epiphany of some sort, usually brought on by a person that they5B4 highly respect or greatly admire. Sometimes a book, television show or movie turns a light on in their head and heart.
You won't get anywhere confronting them, they have to do it on their own. But you may be able to have a heart-to-heart talk with them, letting them know in gentle and loving terms that their behavior is hurting other's feelings. Upsetting people to the point where they are afraid and uncomfortable. There's also the chance that they might say the wrong thing to the wrong person and end up in a dangerous situation.
Until they discover for themselves, there is not much we can do but call attention with tact. Offer and give our support and understanding. Maybe leave a few books around such as the Bible or some other inspirational book, magazine or story. The important thing is to try not to alienate the person, as that may even make the condition worse. Involving them in events and activities with others may be uncomfortable, but it may also be part of the long road to recovery by demonstrating that you don't have to be great, to be great.
Matt McKay is a songwriter, musician and author from New England.
http://www.mattmckay.net
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